Depression, Self Harm & Suicide

Testimony to Getting Help

- Anonymous

I’ve grown up in a world, like many medical students, where everything and everyone seems to be perfect. Everyone is so intelligent, sociable, confident; everyone is always travelling to exciting places, doing amazing things and doing all of this with other perfect, bright people. If you know me, you probably consider me to be one of these people. When I think about it like that, it makes me realise how wrong those impressions can be.

My difficulties with mental health started at a very young age. I struggled with self-confidence issues as a toddler, which persisted and progressed into more complex issues around friendships and relationships as a young teenager. In my teens, I was bounced between therapists when I was struggling with self-harm.

Applying to medical school, I was terrified that my mental health would prevent me from getting a place. People told me I wouldn’t have the resilience to make a good doctor. I really thought that this could be true.

But I made it, and here I am in final year. For the most part, I have had the time of my life at university. But, unknown to most, there have been periods throughout medical school where I was having severe panic attacks and episodes of self-harm almost daily. In my darkest moments, I have considered taking my own life. And I was too frightened to get help, for fear of not being allowed to graduate and for fear of not seeming perfect.

I have been so lucky to be surrounded by so many fierce friends at medical school. Without them, I’m not sure where I would be today. One of my closest friends went with me to see a doctor and since then I’ve been under the care of a psychiatrist, on the right medication, getting the right therapy. I am a million times better than I was this time one year, two years and three years ago.

So, my advice to you reading this is this. If you feel that you are struggling with your mental health, don’t be afraid of it. Instead, be proud of yourself for recognising it. Tell someone you trust, ring your GP, get in contact with the welfare team. If you have the emotional insight to recognise you are struggling then you are not just going to be a good doctor, you are going to be a brilliant one.

You will never, ever be punished for seeking help.

As always, if you want to share any of your experiences at medical school with us, email us at welfarehub.nottsmed@gmail.com or fill out the form below. If you’re struggling with any other issues, have a look at our website to find some resources that may help you including our CRISIS page.